Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
