im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
