I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
