the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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