So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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