i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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