I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
