peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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