I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
