yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
