Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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