You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
