Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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