We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
