It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
