Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
