if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
