i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
No subtext here. People are naked.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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