he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
