we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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