Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
