Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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