Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
