What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
