i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
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