Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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