i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
