we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
