I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
