You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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