I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
