I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
