What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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