you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
