Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
