I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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