I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
