you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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