I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
