I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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