there's paper in my vomit.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
