Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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