just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
