I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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