can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
