you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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