this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
