the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
