I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
