I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I could make wine with my vomit
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
