I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
