so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
