Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
